…its only reward is that it’s easy…

Growing up, my brother and I were always told we have choices…
This was something my mom drilled into our heads for as long as I can remember …
And its true…
Because mothers are always right…
End of story…
I am an honest man but I have lied…
I have put myself in every situation I’ve been in …
Regardless of how right or wrong it seemed…
But I’ve always known it was my choice and no one else.
Pure pressure is really a test of ones self discipline…
I don’t regret anything…
Not even the mushrooms i ate that lasted 3 days…
It just so happened that half way threw those 3 days I was to leave for tour…
I knew this…
But since when do mushrooms last for more then 5 or 6 hours…
So I dealt with it.
I hid it from those around me even though I am sure they knew something was up…
Regardless of the situation, I had the choice and only I could deal with it…
Now, I wouldn’t say this was the worst thing I’ve ever done, however it may be one the more stupid things I’ve done…
But it doesn’t matter…
This is about choices, not the drugs I have taken…
Since I got home from LA, now a month and a half ago I have this eagerness(more so now then ever before) to just do what I want (to most what I want to do seems far fetched and unrealistic, but I’m on this world to prove all the non believers wrong, or so i let me self believe) and every day I become more and more inspired by the world around me…
But sometimes the inspiration runs a little dry, sometimes I want to just say fuck it all and take the easy way ( and the easy way in my life is to go to school and become well educated in something I have little interest in for the simple fact it would be easier to have a career and money etc. But its not overly important to me right now.. Happiness is though)..
really though, its not that important, maybe it should be…
I feel as though I have come this far and I still have some fight left in me, so why not…
I have done a lot of thinking.
I have done a fair bit of reading.
And like everyone, I’ve made choices that somewhere inside of me I am unsure if they are the right ones..(this has nothing to do with the previous post as this has come since I wrote that)…
So I have just done what seems right…
In that, I have learned that I don’t really think for the present, it seems as though my present day life was thought of (by my self) years ago…
My past is my past…
I think about it often enough,because its now what inspires me to write, but I do not really dwell on it, because it has already happened…
Again, I think everything happens because it has to, why else would it happen?
Choices.
Reality.
Choose.
Choices.
Reality.
Choose.
A ferris wheel if you will…
When you get off…
You choose.
YOU!
Choose.
And so on…
(I haven’t always made the best choices and all things considered, I’m a pretty lucky guy)…
My future, is what I work towards…
As we all try to do…
I dream.
A lot.
When I sleep, it feels as if I don’t dream(with the exception of a select few re-occuring dreams from my childhood,I enjoy them), its the only time my brain actually rests… The other 18 hours in the day, I dream…
I find it really hard to anything in this world that I can cannot savor,even a split second.
So I have a short attention span?
Not really,
I just get bored easily…
So I “(day)dream”
I try to figure out pathways to my future…
And I text…
I am aware and generally not socially awkward (best to be saved for a later date) but I spend a lot of time upstairs…
over the last 2 days I made the choice to get a “real job” (partially cause i had to and because i am curious). When I started thinking about what I would like to do I soon realized there isn’t much I can do outside of the service and or the music industry (and this never changes, I try to always be doing something music related, and I am)…
So back to cooking it is, but I really don’t want to do that, I’m not keen on the hours (no matter what they are your sleep pattern is fucked), hockey season starts soon so most places will be more stress than I am willing to take on (I have enough as is) and working in pubs or anything close to will not be the healthiest choices come meal time…
In highschool I always had a job but never the “cool” ones (more so cd stores and cafes I frequented, usually to “study”,when the school called my house for skipping and I wasn’t there to answer ).
So I start thinking about what I wanted to do in high school. Record shops, cafe(beyond starbucks etc.) and pizza guy were the first three things that came to mind.
Now I have narrowed this dreadful search down to three, not so well payed, not so easy to get or find and not so cool jobs for some one my age to have (in my head at least).
As my luck would have it there is none of the above close to my house, and I also don’t want to bus 3 hours a day anymore.
By now I have gone to one interview for a breakfast cook position, pay is good location is great. I got offered the job, I take it…
I get home and take a look online and find one pizza place with in a 20 minute bus ride from my house.
So I apply…
I get a call 20 minutes later…
2 hours goes by and I am sitting with an Iranian women (who’s name I forget) trying really hard to tell her why I am perfect for this job (I really just wanted to say I want an easy, has little responsibility unlikely to make me a millionaire kinda job) but I didn’t…
I impressed her.
I got the job.
A dream (7 or 8 years ago) come true.
Perfect.
But it does pay less than the first offer.
Not much, but enough to make a difference.
again the location is perfect.
The hours are well suited to what I want, and very flexible…
But there is hardly any work involved…
Because it is a chain (franchise) everything comes delivered and more or less ready to use, which requires little prep.
There are 3 other pizza places a stones throw away that are better, and likely busier.
This place probably makes just enough money to stay open…
And that’s fine. its busy enough to not be bored and not to busy that I would want to freak out (or let the looming anxiety pounce in and take control)
So I decide I want this job…
The pizza place..
Shit pay (in comparison).
A HUGE language barrier with the staff(they are all Iranian, which is fine by me, it just requires a little more attention and patience).
The “rather embarrassing job to have at 24 (if seen by a friend)”
Part time hours (more than likely).

…andyetitseemstobeperfect…

I get it.
I take it.

I will thank myself in a couple of years when I look back and write about how oddly placed this was in my life.

…( a. )…
…(perfect)…
…( choice)…
…( ? )…

so here I am.
I get two jobs in one day and now i have to make a phone call and let the first place know i am not interested…
easy enough.
wrong.
an hour goes by…
and another…
two more pass and I am now greeting people attending “Vancouvers’ only Indie/folk supper club…”
i figure if I “forget about it, so will she”…
wrong…
In that four hours this woman has called me twice and left one voice mail…
I get nervous when she calls so I do not answer…
I cant bare to tell her I cannot work for her, i would seem like a bad person…
who cares, I wont see her again…
wrong.
Her cafe happens to make the BEST doughnuts in town and their patio has been the place of many hangover breakfasts and many more to come…
So I man up and call, the whole time i am shaking with nerves…
each ring feels like forever
i now fear the word “hello”…
a friendly word…
a welcoming word…
a word that in no way represents fear.
….
and it happens…
i hear a sound as if someone has answered the phone…
i think to hang up…
until i”m quick to remember about a little invention known as “caller ID”
i feel a bead of sweat trickle down my face.
before the lady on the other end could put together 5 letters and spit them out,
I begin… “Hi, it’s…”
and there it is…
The voice of woman with a monotone voice reciting her lines…
” You have reached the voice mail box of… 6-0-4….”
Fireworks fly in the back of my mind
A parade of a thousand pipers and drummers all playing the same tune…
it was heaven on earth…
As i heard my que to begin speaking my smile must have gone from ear to ear and every word that came out of my mouth was nothing more then a mumble…
and everything i needed her to know…
I think she got though…
Because i never heard back…

So there I stand…
The Pizza Man.
(i give it three months)

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6 thoughts on “…its only reward is that it’s easy…

  1. once again, A+. Your writing is just so genuine and sincere. I always do a little happy dance when you update your blog. can’t wait for the next one

  2. It’s not what you do, that defines you. It’s how you do it. Just like anything in life. Don’t be embarrased to be a pizza man while you connect life’s dots love. You love, are incredible, so be incredible, even as “pizza man.”
    love love love
    DeEtta Marie x

  3. Wish you were out on the road w/ Tantric….just saw 3 shows…missed ya dude….but I did order Pizza 2 out of 3 times! 😉

  4. I kinda see this as one more example of how you stay true to yourself… how many people would’ve really taken the less-paying job they don’t intend to do forever (if even for long) because it’s easier, closer and/or just makes you happier? I don’t think many would. I think I’ve said it on a previous post but I find it really inspiring that you’re not willing to give up on your dreams (even from years and years ago) or let anyone tell you you can’t do something you really want to do, even if they may see it as “far-fetched”. Every day you’re working toward doing what you want and not compromising yourself and I’m just very awed by it. There isn’t much harder than to keep going when something is hard or when things fall through and it’s definitely a choice to keep on going. I applaud you for continuing to make the choices that are best for YOU and what YOU want from life.

  5. NEVER be ashamed about what you do. if u are a good person, it isn’t WHAT you do in life, it is HOW you live your life..

    PLUS, with a job like the one you chose, you will actually not have to “tie up loose ends” if and when u need to quit/leave/move on.

    the truth is, if u don’t like it… in a month, i BETCHA the other place would still LOVE to have you… and if they don’t, well then u don’t want them either.. cuz holding grudges is ridic (yeah, short for ridiculous, and NO i don’t spell it ridick cuz it looks bad ).

    i don’t think people should ever have their “dream job” before 30… why? because in our 20s, it is the time for us to figure out what we really love/hate doing. when u are 30, and feeling older and less relevant, it is when u need the self-esteem/happiness boost of landing the BEST JOB.

    btw, with all the hiking u do… and with a love for nature… you should TOTES be a hike-tour guy… and do campfire cooking for those u bring on tours. JUST SAYING… u could even break out a guitar and entertain the tourists!

    fyi i LOVE pizza… fyi, u rock. fyi everything is temporary, everything is always changing, when one door closes another opens (u get me?) .

    fuck people who think at 24 u SHOULD be doing something specific. the world would really SUCK if everybody was cookie cutter. u, my friend, are cookie dough 🙂 (and let’s face it… everybody likes cookie dough!)

  6. I don’t have anything to say, since I’m old and still trying to find my dream job since quitting nursing. But I do love your long rambly real life blogs. Keep us updated on how it all goes, hey?

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