…it’s temporary, this place i’m in…

I have a problem…
I want to know everything, all of the time… I am easily distracted, leaving it hard to know everything. I know a little bit about a lot of things and I know a lot about a few things
I know that trusting my gut instinct is a risk, and I take that chance everyday.
I also know that I will never know everything and if by some chance I do, I will likely be living in a padded room with scheduled visits from friends and family.
…knock on wood…
I have another problem…
I want more of everything I already have. I like to be consumed in what I like and when I can’t have it, I feel greedy. I don’t like to be handed things (all of the time). I don’t like feeling as though I owe anyone anything. I like to do things because I can. Even down to this simple things, I find I want more.When I find a new band I like, I Immediately want more.. And more often then not, that cannot happen as I find a lot of bands with their first release or due to label contracts etc their older stuff is next to impossible to find.
I don’t think I had even finished the first essay in “Sex,Drugs and Coco Puffs” by Chuck Klosterman and I wanted more, I wanted to finish that book and read it again. At that time, he was unheard of and I think that book had just been released. If I remember correctly my roommate at the time saw him or heard an interview with him and went out and bought the book, but before she could even crack the spine and take in the scent of unturned pages, I was already sitting on the throne consumed in everything that he is. Even after I finished that book I held on to it for quite some time before she asked for it back. It lived in the bottom of my backpack for a good 2 months and went everywhere I did. I didn’t want to forget who Klosterman was… I wanted.. No, I needed more…
Today,
Today I decided was the most quintessential vancouver day and the most fitting music was that of the deftones. I love this band… A lot.. More so the older albums but the only one I have on my ipod is “Saturday Night Wrist” and I have stopped listening to that album due to an ex girlfriends love for it,however it has started to take on more meaning as the years have passed. With that said, I got to work (rather cheerful for a Sunday morning) and put the album on and right out of the gate I wanted more, if I had my way I would have been listening to 10 songs at once… It excites me, and I get over the top excited.. But such things are not possible, getting more of the deftones was not possible.. Now I am just as guilty as the next guy when it comes to illegally downloading music, but I could not bring myself to download more..something about it didn’t feel right when I own the cds already.. So now, 8 hours after the fact, I still want more…yet I still have to settle for the same album.. So I will over indulge in this until I get either a) bored of it b) annoyed with it c) or if this was 15 years ago, I would play it until the cassette wore out and still not be satisfied…
Wanting more and not being able to have more is annoying… It is frustrating and its almost cruel to torture our self like that…but we do it, personally I do it all the time… But I do it because I cannot help myself… I trust those gut feelings and I push myself to find more…and I will never learn that lesson…
But maybe that is a good thing..

…breathe…

this was not today, but it was a day like today…

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2 thoughts on “…it’s temporary, this place i’m in…

  1. amazing! I hate to sound like a broken record but your photos just gorgeous..and your words are as well….is there anything you can’t do? I think not.

  2. I could get all philosophical here and talk about the state of the world and the “now” generations and that whole thing about never being fully satisfied and always wanting more and wondering if it’s merely a case of underdeveloped self control…. But I won’t.

    I will simply put my hand up and admit “Me too.”

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