…i’m not going to write you a love song cause you asked me…

this weekend was really hard.
I don’t know what got into me but I was not myself..
I got caught up in myself I suppose, I lost a lot of sleep and I had to let myself completely crash in order to feel better..
I think I feel better..
if anything I feel more aware now.
I stayed awake for 40 hours and then slept for 8, i feel as though i should still be sleeping.
actually i know what got into me.. it was the energy from that fucking lunatic i got stuck with the other day.. it really caught me off guard and stressed me out more than i was already stressing. i had this weird fear that he was following me, or at least trying.. before i sound completely insane, i say this because now that i look back on it he asked a lot of really strange questions. questions you don’t normally ask someone you havent seen in years, questions i just wouldn’t think to ask anyone for that matter. like how much money do you have, and how much money do you make when you are on tour, where is your work…he was asking detailed questions on who my room mates were and what the did and where they were, i answered everything.. with very short and non descriptive answers…. like really buddy? who the fuck cares.. as i write this i think back over the last few days and i don’t think i have ever had anxiety and panic attacks as i just went through… the way i physically felt was insane compared to the “normal” feeling i feel today.. the worst part was, i was driving a part on the highway i don’t like driving as it is and it hit.. the tsunami of panic attacks knocked me down as if i were a bunch of huts made of mud… my vision went blurry, i lost my breath, my body got hot and tingly and i couldn’t pull off the road, there was nowhere to go so i had to work my way to the next exit and sit for a while and re gain myself in order to drive home.. i have honestly never been so afraid as i was in the 2 minutes i couldn’t pull off the road..
through everything that has gone on lately, i have come to realize we sometimes have to put ourself in situations we are not comfortable in and normally wouldn’t be in, in order to remember who we are… at least i have to…
i havent really lived the life of a “normal” 24-year-old, and it is easy to get caught up in shit that you know isn’t right..
thankfully i caught myself before i fell… too hard…

on a hunt for serenity this is what i found

i really do live in a beautiful place…

i could really use a friend…
he is on the other side of the country tho…

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3 thoughts on “…i’m not going to write you a love song cause you asked me…

  1. Woooooowww. That’s fucking beautiful. It looks like the kind of place that just being there sets a wave of calm over you.

    I’m sorry you had to go through the shit with that crazy dude =[ Glad you came out ok on the other end though. I’d be your friend, though my comparison is worse. I’m on the other side of the world, not just the country.

    The thing that seems to set you apart from most people is that you didn’t just freak out and curl into a little ball, you learnt from it, which is an amazing thing.

    Xx Mon

  2. “i have come to realize we sometimes have to put ourself in situations we are not comfortable in and normally wouldn’t be in, in order to remember who we are… at least i have to…
    i havent really lived the life of a “normal” 24-year-old, and it is easy to get caught up in shit that you know isn’t right..
    thankfully i caught myself before i fell… too hard…”

    Your words are so fittin’….well not the 24 yr old part ..lol…
    *inserts random #*
    but currently i am feelin’ a certain friendship I thought was good is just a reminder of what kind of relationships to avoid! Thank-you

  3. Here I sit, on my throne
    Unimportant, all alone

    All around me peace I see
    Everything in harmony

    Sky and sea, both so blue
    World, what are we coming to?

    Why can’t we learn to live this way
    Even only for a day?

    We need to learn to harmonise
    To stop the wars and children’s cries

    Peace is what we need to reach
    I found it on a lonely beach.

    Written by me, at age 12.

    It was one of my most serene moments.

    Glad to hear you seem to be recovering from you ordeal with psycho man. I would say that stuff like that occasionally makes us think, but I think you think all the time lol.

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