The more I look at people and their relationships the more baffled I become.
Right now, I am single. I have been single for 2 years and prior to that I was in a serious relationship with a girl 3 years younger than me. Since we broke it off I honestly have not had much time to be in a relationship and I never really wanted to be with some one, for a few different reasons I suppose. The biggest being that I felt like I needed to know more about the world and more about myself before I tried to co-exist with someone else.
I had a lot to figure out.
(I suppose I still have a lot to figure out.)
I have dated girls since that relationship ended, but for some reason I seem to attract fucking lunatics into my life..
Well, not all of them but there has been enough to make me re-evaluate what I am doing and what I hope to achieve with that person. If my intentions aren’t good, I walk away. I don’t like wasting time on something I don’t really believe in but as my life goes, ” I will try anything once just to try it.” That is a pretty fair statement and sometimes it ends up being a waste of time. I am a pretty curious person and it would likely kill me to walk away from something (and anything, I am not talking about girls/relationships in particular) with out ever knowing what may come of the situation…
Obviously I have my limits but that’s a story for a rainy day, and today is not one of them.
I have spent many days even weeks or months observing my friends, peers, co-workers etc and the way they act and re-act in their relationships and there really is no answer for anything we do. We are all completely insane, and that is that.
A human being will do anything for love. Literally, ANYTHING. We all want to be accepted and desired and held in someone else’s arms as we close our eyes and drift away and that can’t always happen. Sometimes we are just meant to be single or away from the person we love and their is nothing anyone can do to change that.The world seems to work in patterns and we have to follow it and accept it in order to find peace with in our self. The trouble starts when we try to re-arrange said patterns and fight against what has already happened or what is about to happen but we have no control over. As humans we do the craziest shit to try and loose that numb feeling of being hurt. We will fly half way around the world when we know we can’t afford it. We make promises we won’t keep…to change everything that wasn’t working for the other person, but just because that doesn’t work for them doesn’t mean it will be the same for someone else. We feed drugs to our insecurities. We loose sleep trying to figure out why we aren’t getting what we want.
In that is the problem.
We loose sleep trying to figure out why we aren’t getting what we want.
What we want and what we need are two different things and we seem to forget this. We think we want one thing, for one reason or another.. But is it what we need?
When you spend your time thinking about yourself and no one else that is why you are not getting what you want. Your own greed will be what destroys you at the end of the day.
I am no different from the next person, I have done everything in my power to make things work in all aspects of my life. I have said I would change who I am to make some one happy, and I have tried but at the end of the day it just doesn’t seem to work that way.I have made changes in different parts of who I am, but that seems to be because of someone not for somebody.
Sacrificing your own happiness in order to make some one else happy does not work, it only makes matters worse.
I am one who has put my life on the line over and over for something I believe in and I have no regrets, I still do it today and I will do it until the day I die. I have made more sacrifices than any other person I know, and I refuse to give up my happiness. I refuse to be anyone other than myself.
I am not afraid of being alone, I simply prefer not to be, as I’m sure we all do.
I had to force myself to be alone in order figure my life out and that in its own is probably the greatest sacrifice I have made.
I think too many people fear loneliness without realizing the power it holds..
Maybe it really is easier said than done but everything seems to be that way..
I guess what I am trying to say is don’t be afraid, take risks, try things you have never tried, do things that you want to but are afraid of being judged on, do what your friends think is weird.. Be yourself. Be free. Don’t worry about letting go….